What a waste of blonde, blue eyed hotness

I have a real penchant for blonde haired, blue eyed, non-Nazi men. That’s why I made sure I was turned into JOURNEYMAN’s premiere on NBC. It sported not one but two such delicious speci-men: Kevin McKidd and Reed Diamond. Yum. They played brothers and the casting folks should pat themselves on the back for finding two actors who not only look like they’re related, but also share a presence that makes you believe they’re brothers. So it was double the pleasure.

I discovered the McKidd when he was playing the Roman soldier Vorenus on HBO’s ROME. Diamond is a favorite from his days on HOMICIDE. Both shows were as good as these guy’s looks.

But JOURNEYMAN confused me. Not just confused…REALLY confused. Watching McKidd play a newspaper reporter who just keeps bouncing around in time reminded me of the time I put the SMARTEST GUYS IN THE ROOM DVD into the player and accidentally hit the Shuffle button. I kept watching hoping it would all fall together like it did for PULP FICTION. It didn’t happen for the Enron documentary and it didn’t happen for JOURNEYMAN.

Set in San Francisco, the show held promise. But as the moments ticked on, I kept wondering about what was going on. Just who were the women in the show? Someone named Katie, who has a great haircut, was either a wife, a girlfriend, or an intervention specialist. How did this all fit together? There’s this guy who decides to kill himself by standing in front of one of famous trolley cars. Yeah, that’s frightening. Of course, my McKidd saved this guy and then, zap, another scene and nobody knows nothing. And even suicide guy’s girl was a puzzle, which was wrapped up at the end of the hour, but even that wrapping was not happening. I have absolutely no idea what happened or why – and I have a relatively impressive IQ.

Ever read or write a script for TV? Each scene is identified on paper as to Interior or Exterior, Time of Day, and Location. Perhaps reading the script would have straightened out the confusion. Unfortunately, the whole idea of putting the script on the screen is to make sure one DOESN’T have to read the script to make the story happen. Sigh.

How confusing was the show? There was even a moment when the thought of the show being a “Sixth Sense” surprise crossed my mind, but that didn’t happen, either.

After spending the entire hour hoping to get involved with my boys and the cutest kid actor on TV today, one Charles Henry Wyson, I found myself checking my e-mail, straightening out my desk and looking at my watch. Sorry guys. No matter how blonde, how blue-eyed and how non-Nazi you are, I’ll wait until you both get cast in a show that doesn’t break all the rules of Time Travel TV as established by SCOTT BAKULA in another NBC show, QUANTUM LEAP. Now THAT show made sense.

Lovin’ BACK TO YOU on FOX

I’ll admit that when I heard KELSEY GRAMMER was coming back to network sitcom TV I was thrilled. Then I heard he was going to co-star wtih PATRICIA HEATON. Not so thrilled. Then I heard they were going to be anchors on the sitcom, which was going to air on FOX, and I decided that Kelsey just wasn’t worth the effort. Being an open-minded sort, I tuned in to see the pilot and now I am a BACK TO YOU fan.

Besides Grammer’s perfect voice and impecable delivery, the writing of Exec Producers STEVEN LEVITAN and CHRISTOPHER LLOYD was witty, funny, and unexpected. Such a stretch from the dullard three camera sitcoms that are running elsewhere. Nor is this one of those silly shows that think milk snorted out a nose is worthy of yucks. The writing was the best of what I like to call snappy banter with a healthy helping of double entendre thrown in. It takes talent to write that kind of comedy, and Levitan/Lloyd comes through with flying colors.

Well directed by JAMES BURROWS, an old friend of Grammer’s, the cast boasted very strong and quite funny supporting characters. If you have ever spent time in a TV newsroom, you’ll recognize the oversexed weathergirl (“I prefer to be called a meteorologist.” “But you’re not.” “But I PREFER it.”), the wet behind the ears (or in this case, under the arms) News Director who’s a geeky website recruit, and the ambitious, good-looking reporter who has his eye set on that anchor chair. In the hands of AYDA FELD as the weather bimbo, JOSH GAD as the flop sweat boss, and TY BURRELL as the reporter with the last name nobody can pronounce, the characters are surprisingly fresh. Of course their dialogue is a work of art.

A standout is Sportscaster FRED WILLARD who is always delightful, even when he’s a stuck-in-a-rut guy doing the same job with nothing on his horizon. Still no fan of Heaton, I wish someone would ask her to tone down the nasty edge. Even TINA FEY’s MEAN GIRLS weren’t this shrill.

I applaud the story twist that I didn’t see coming. I stand and applaud the smooth way the dialogue and the storyline wove together like a fine Bottega Veneta purse strap. Finally a comedy that doesn’t give me eye strain and yet stretches my love of that long-missing snappy patter.

Emmy in the Round – motion sickness

The Emmys just ended. Late. I was ready for them to wrap it up from the moment I saw the stage. For those of you who were otherwise entertained, this year the Emmys were done in the round. Like when you go to the theatre. Only this was an award show in the round. With cameras. From the looks of it, the cameras were in one spot and the only thing that was different from a regular stage show awards event was that a good one-third of the audience got to sit and watch the back end of the actors on stage. No matter how comely those rears are (hey, I’m talking to you Adrian Grenier), it just wasn’t a good idea. Didn’t anybody realize this BEFORE the little red lights on those cameras came on? I mean, the entire cast of UGLY BETTY was the backdrop. I wonder if their agents are going to ask for some coin for that performance – I would. Best comedy show used as a backdrop goes to….

There was nothing I liked about this year’s Emmy show. You heard me – nothing. Ryan Seacrest is a friendly enough guy, but as a host…not so much. It seemed that there was a lot of wasted time when he was trying to decide who he was on that stage. He referenced Johnny Carson, Ellen and others who had passed on hosting. Perhaps that list had seen the stage concept.

The nervous Nelly who was in charge of the panic button outdid themselves. Having worked in talk radio, the concept of a six second delay button is ingrained in my producer DNA. The button gets hit when a caller says one of George Carlin’s ‘words you can’t say on TV’. My particular button was, indeed, red and was called the panic button.  During the Emmy ceremony, I counted at least three times when the person on stage suddenly and awkwardly cut to – well, I can’t tell you exactly what it was they cut to, because I just couldn’t make it out. Ray Romano was there (rambling on and on) and suddenly he wasn’t. I knew he wasn’t being cut for whining – that’s his shtick. Then Sally Field, during her acceptance speech, got the panic button treatment as well. This is what Sally was saying when she was cut off: “If mothers ruled the world, there wouldn’t be any god-damned wars in the first place.”

All this panic about words is because the FCC under its current direction is all hot and bothered that a ‘bad’ word might slip out and therefore ruin the impressionable minds watching a TV award ceremony after 10 pm on a Sunday night in the comfort of their own homes. Hooookay. The nervous Nelly who jammed that panic button must not be aware the Commission has ruled that god-damned is NOT a word subject to a fine.

In a year when fashion took a major leap forward, it saddens me to think the production of the show fell apart. Let’s be brutally honest here…the pre-Emmy arrival show was better.

It amazed me that the folks who contributed to the business and had died over the last year got what seemed to be a short changed segment that, if memory serves, wasn’t even introduced. The musical number by the one-and-only Tony Bennett and songstress Christina Aguilera was ruined by bad direction. This isn’t an episode of “24” calling for a shaky camera and abrupt cuts. It’s a musical number and I wanted to see them lip sync damnit! When the Jersey Boys rocked down the house with their tribute to the Sopranos, I wanted to see the Sopranos clips. Didn’t happen. The clips were on screens around the auditorium, but the director was too busy auditioning for an MTV music video to think about what he was really up to. I didn’t get to see Da Family and it saddened me.

As a matter of fact, a lot of what I wanted to see didn’t happen. At no time was there any viewer benefit in what they did to produce this show. And isn’t that what the whole point is? Get viewers across the country to get pumped at their favorites? Any answer other than “yes” will find you asked to be the panic button operator.

Touted as the first “green” Emmy show, I can only say that someone needs to ask for a rebate on that carbon credit they got.